Prior to this week, I had so many things I wanted to write about that I couldn’t wait until Tuesday came around so I could get started.
Then, within a span of about two minutes, all of my motivation and excitement was stolen from me.
This was definitely the last thing I thought I would ever talk about on the Internet, but I feel that honesty and obstacles are an enormous reason this community is going to be successful. All seven of us, plus all of the members of this community, have very different stories and face very different barriers in our everyday health and wellness.
My dad is an extremely emotionally abusive man. I grew up tiptoeing around the house, for the simplest movement could set off an explosion. I don’t need a therapist to tell me that a majority, if not all of my mental health issues and disorders stemmed from his treatment towards me. My mom and brother have dealt with it as well, but I definitely got the worst of it. At least once a day, I was/am reminded that I’ve accomplished nothing and I am nothing but a, well, pain in the ass. Basically, in his mind, I’m out to get him. Everything I do in my life is for one purpose: to ruin his life.
I’ve moved back and forth between my parents’ house and other various cities all over the country since graduating from high school. I’m currently living here at their house again, along with my boyfriend (who’s from Texas and commutes to NYC for work).
On Sunday, as I do every Sunday, I started to do my laundry. When I went to start my second load, I noticed that my dad had left towels in the dryer. I took the towels out of the dryer. When my dad got home and immediately saw the cardinal sin that I had committed, he opened fire. Chasing me up the stairs, screaming that I am nothing and do nothing for him.
**Fun fact: I do everything around the house. I don’t mind helping out. My mom is extremely arthritic and can hardly do mundane household tasks.
Aside from the hour-long anxiety attack that this induced (not so much the screaming, but the look of pure hatred in his eyes as he screamed), I think the worst part of the whole thing is that my boyfriend was right next to me when this happened. Mortifying. It would have hurt less if he had just thrown in some punches and been done with it.
I’m sharing this story because, like so many other things, abuse of any kind can spiral a person into an unhealthy lifestyle. I mean, why work hard to respect your body with healthy foods and physical activity when someone else so easily tears down your self-worth and throws it out the window? It is so easy to ignore the value of your own life when people around you (family, friends, coworkers, total strangers…) treat you like shit. What’s worse is that one may begin to believe they deserve this treatment.
My point (finally): there is nothing that matters more than your self-worth. No matter who tries to bring you down, in any corner of your life, what you do for yourself is what matters. Love yourself enough to care what you do for your body. Your body is a goddamn temple, y’all.
(my body is not a particularly flexible temple, but I’m having fun all the same)